Can you give me a little background on the band?
Muddy: I am the new guy and I can't give you a lot of background on the band cause I'm the new guy.
Do you know why Phil left the band and why he came back?
M: Phil left the band because he...
Tracii Guns: Phil left the band because his wife divorced him.
M: Listen. Who's interview is this? This is my interview okay? This is the new guy interview.
TG: It's the only thing I'll say. I just wanted to get that answer right.
M: Phil left the band because he joined a cult and this is very hush hush okay? This isn't even on. He joined a cult. He left rock and roll all together. He abandoned his earthly delights and pleasures to go find ubiquity, okay, in the Middle East somewhere. Then some kind of war or something broke out. It wasn't even really a war. It was these two liquor store guys battling each other across the street and he said "I'm outta here". Came back and he came back to L. A. Guns and it was L. A. Guns again.
TG: That is the truth.
M: That is exactly the truth.
Tell me a little about Man In The Moon, your new CD.
M: Man In The Moon is about me. I am the man in the moon. Phil wrote that because after he met me, I started tutoring him in the ways of ubiquity and he was so inspired by me he had no idea what to write lyrically for that song. He came up to my ranch one night, we spent two or three days together, and he wrote the "Man In The Moon" about me. That's the absolute truth. That is the God's honest truth. I'm not kidding.
Why did you choose Gilby Clarke to be the producer?
M: You know what? Gilby Clarke is a great producer. If you listen to the record you know. Gilby Clarke is like the fifth member of L. A. Guns. Or the sixth member or the seventh member. Whatever. There's been 37 people in this band. Did you know that?
M: (British accent going) Oh yes there has. There has. There's been 37 people in this band. They've been in and out. It's been a nightmare. I don't even know everyone's name. I don't even know the name of the people in the band right now. It's a nightmare.
Tell me about you.
M: What do you want to know about me? I love long walks. I'm not gay. I don't suck. I love long walks on the beach with a special person. I love my dog.
TG: What's your nickname?
M: My nickname is Ubiquitus. T-Bone Ubiquitus. There's a very gay side of me. It's my left side mostly. Seriously my right side is very heterosexual. But my left side...
What are your favorite tracks off the new album?
M: You know what, that's very hard to say. I love "Man In The Moon". I love "Beautiful" and I really love "Hypnotized". Playingwise. Livewise I love to play "Hypnotized".
TG: His favorite song is "Scream".
M: That's my favorite song. "Scream" is my favorite song.
What happened to Jizzy Pearl and Johnny Crypt?
M: Jizzy Pearl. Wow. That's a tough one for me. Listen, Jizzy Pearl is an amazing singer but he's not the singer of L. A. Guns. Phil Lewis is the singer of L. A. Guns. That's it. That simple.
TG: Jizzy Pearl is the singer of Ratt. That's right. He's the singer of Love Ratt.
M: Love Ratt.
What major difference do you see in the...
M: Ask me something interesting. Ask me about my sexual preferences.
TG: Ask him about his new scooter.
Tell us about your sexual preferences.
M: No. That's private. Ask me something else.
What about your new scooter?
M: My new scooter? Oh, that's nothing. Let's stick to the...
TG: What about your new skateboard?
M: Let's stick to the questions on here. Be professional.
TG: Who cuts your hair?
M: Tracii Guns. He does, he does. He cuts my hair. He cuts my hair when I'm sleeping. When I pass out drunk, I wake up and there's hair all over my pillow.
TG: Get some sleep. Get some sleep. I get in the bus. I spoon with him a little bit. I oil up his hair. I get it nice and greasy. I get my scissors out and I trim while I sing "YMCA". Then he wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror...
M: He insists that I get naked when he does that too.
TG: I love your curls.
And you return to the favor.
M: You know it's not really a favor. See my hair? Look at my hair. It's a mess.
Are you hooking up on a major tour with anyone?
M: We are the music tour. But yet we probably will. Once people start to listen to the record...
TG: There are folks bidding to buy onto our tour right now. So when we decide which one is going to be coolest we'll decide.
M: Exactly. Aerosmith doesn't drink anymore and we tend to drink a little bit.
TG: They also don't have a bass player.
M: I want to do double duty. I want to make double money on that one.
Are you going to do any songs from Shrinking Violet?
M: We absolutely will not.
TG: No we were talking about doing that.
M: Oh yeah we will.
TG: What's that guy..."Dreamtime".
M: "Dreamtime", we're going to be doing.
TG: We're going to keep talking about doing it. About 15 years from...
M: We might do it.
TG: We might do it.
M: We're going to bring Jizzy on that tour. He's going to sing that one.
TG: He's going to tune Phil's guitar.
Are you sure Ratt's going to let him go?
M: No, I don't know. I don't know if they will or not. You know what, on the record, he's a great singer. Great singer.
Phil Lewis: He's on the record. He does a killer version of "Turbo Lover" on the Judas Priest tribute record.
M: You should hear him on "S.O.S.". There's a tribute to ABBA. He ripped that song a new asshole. An unbelievable version of "S.O.S.".
TG: I like the way he says "understood".
M: He got that whole Swedish thing down.
Any other comments?
M: You know, I have no comments. Show me your breasts.
They look like everyone else's.
My part in this interview was over and Tracii took the helm.
TG: I have a good question for you. Why do you think disco is so big in the year 2001?
M: You know why? Because music always comes back around. Disco was a great time. People got laid a lot. That is the bottom line.
TG: Why do you think disco came around full circle and cocaine didn't?
M: Cocaine has never left my life. Ever. It's been around.
TG: Why do you think it's more popular to smoke cocaine now than to sniff it?
M: Really? Are you making that up or is it a fact? I don't know. I've never smoked it. Do you have some?
TG: Why did Ben Stein work for Richard Nixon once?
M: Ben Stein is great.
TG: I agree. I'm asking why do you think...
M: I'll tell you why. Because certain people just get caught up in philosophies in their life and they...
TG: Did you know that he cried when Richard Nixon died?
M: Yes, I know. I know. He believed in Richard Nixon and I accept him for that.
TG: Let's talk about politics right now!
M: Let's talk about politics. What do you think about Catholicism? I'm a recovering Catholic by the way. I have sexual guilt. I do. I absolutely do. I'm embarrassed at my own penis. I am. That's why I smoke Capri's.
And on that note I had to leave as it was very late. The guys were very warm and friendly and I definitely had a great time with them.